Life can get so busy sometimes. When we try to juggle multiple things, stuff may get forgotten or an error may occur. This can be particularly true if there are mental processing challenges, physical energy imbalances or other issues.

Attention Deficit Disorder symptoms (I was never formally diagnosed) have always been a part of my life. My sweet children both have their own challenges with ADHD. We manifest the challenges in different ways but also have some wonderful strengths that come with it. One of those strengths is a keen awareness of what is just, and alternately, what is unjust. There’s almost nothing more annoying to us than being blamed for something that is not our fault, or that the fault was due to an unjust situation. No one likes to be a scapegoat.

The current cultural climate is very judgmental. People are often tempted to pass the blame when emotionally overwhelmed. My new job is helping me practice equilibrium in almost all my weak spots. I feel like a scapegoat. How to handle an unjust situation? Don’t take it personally.

It’s such a simple statement, but can feel very difficult to act on. It is much easier if you have practiced love, kindness and compassion for yourself. When we respond to others’ criticism or blaming in kind, it can become loop of angry feelings. On the other hand if I STOP, Take several deep breaths, Observe my feelings (anger, fear of being blamed, tension in the shoulders and neck, etc) and Proceed by offering myself compassion, soothing and love, then I can begin to look with kind curiosity at the other person/people.

We’re all trying to meet needs. If someone acts with strong emotion, they may being feeling uncertain, or a loss of love/connection. Bad behavior may come from boredom (a lack of variety), or imbalance in any of the other human needs. A strong, kind response is to feel compassion. Sometimes that allows for the situation to be resolved. Sometimes it just means people need to go separate ways. Either way, compassion is where healing begins and ends.

Try this:

When you feel annoyed, hurt or treated unfairly, STOP (Stop, Take a deep breath, Observe your thoughts, feelings, and body reactions, Proceed with awareness). Practice breathing into the places of tightness in your body. Name the feelings as specifically as you can. If you feel fear or anger, name them. Then offer compassion to the tightness in your shoulders, or solar plexus, or hands. Offer compassion to the feelings you feel. Give yourself love and kindness in the moment and whenever the feelings/thoughts/body sensations arise.

If you want to get even more great practice, start to be curious about the other person/people. Be generous in your assumptions (and they’re always assumptions) about their feelings and needs. In your mind, or if appropriate in person, offer compassion and kindness.

This exercise can be challenging, but as with all practice, it gets easier the more you do it. Your peace will be restored faster and you will likely help others in the process.

Feel free to send me an email if you’d like some help with this! Remember, goats are cute!