Sometimes we enter an experience that tests us to our limits. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, being at the edge of our ability is one of the elements of “flow” talked about by psychologist, researcher and author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book, “Flow.”

The caveat is that the test needs to be within our skill set. Interestingly, according to research that I heard in the Yale, Science of Well-Being course (offered for free on Coursera.com), most people in a study reported being least happy when at leisure and most happy when in a state of flow at work. The problem was that they also reported that when they were at work, they’d rather be at leisure.

One of my key take-aways from the course is that we are not that good at predicting what will make us happy.

The reason this has been relevant to me recently is because I’ve said, “My head feels like it’s going to explode,” more times in the last two weeks than the rest of my life combined. And yet when I STOP (Stop, Take a deep breath, Observe my thoughts, feelings and body responses, and Proceed with awareness), I find that I feel quite happy.

I’m trying to express this to others while at the same time using words such as, “brutally exhausted and overwhelmed,” and even at moments, “angry and resentful.”

I’ve pondered the paradox and mindfully explored the old triggers that are showing up again. As a teenager, when faced with a challenge that felt too big and perhaps even a little unfair, I became angry and resentful. I knew in my heart that I wanted to do the job well, but because of ADD type symptoms, I often failed to accomplish what others thought I should be able to do. The human temptation is to judge WHY someone is failing (they’re just not trying, they don’t care, they’re lazy, etc.).

Feeling misunderstood, tired and overwhelmed for a teen is a dangerous combination. One thing I’ll never forget from my training in Special Education was that most kids would rather be seen as “bad” than “stupid.”

This new job is one of the hardest I’ve ever had. It has a ton of moving parts, applications to learn, programs to understand, people to contact, and activities to arrange. My head feel likes it’s going to explode…and I love it.

I’m grateful for the old triggers popping up so that I can empathize with the youth I’m there to serve. What’s the difference between my younger self and now? Years of learning and practicing tools. I STOP frequently. My self-talk is encouraging rather than defeatist. I don’t hold feelings inside; I name them, share them and let them dissipate. I take ownership for what’s mine and don’t for what is not. I feel good about who I am and set the boundaries I need, while still putting in my best effort. I exercise and meditate and try to eat my vegetables. I pray a lot and go to bed early. I trust the people around me to understand, and I offer compassion and patience in return.

The result is that I get to be in a state of flow frequently and the six human needs are met at high levels. Old triggers will likely continue to arise, but the focus and aim have changed.

Try this: Take on a challenge. Do something within your skill set that pushes your limits. Be clear about why you’re doing it and pinpoint ways to know you’re making progress. Let go of self-consciousness. Practice seeing mistakes as information that will help you progress. Let time become irrelevant. Be grateful for the flow.