“Safe Here” is the working title of a book I’ve been working on. A dear friend suggested the title many years ago and it stuck with me. I also used it in the title for a couple of conference presentations because it feels so relevant to what people are needing right now.

Do you feel safe in the world, with other people…even with yourself? In some ways the need for safety seems to be more about certainty, but when certainty is hard to come by nothing gives us more peace than knowing we are safe in our relationships.

The best way to feel safe with others is to feel secure in the relationship we have with ourselves. Our brain, body and emotions keep track of events from the past in order to protect us from harm, but sometimes that results in a hardened heart. We stop connecting with others because it seems that vulnerability leaves us open to danger.

This is one reason why mindfulness can be so important. When we recognize our own fear we can ask ourselves helpful questions such as, “Is this true? Could this be solved through my setting better boundaries, communicating more effectively, or being kindly assertive?”

When we are safe with ourselves, it’s easier to connect with others. Instead of harmful thoughts such as, “No one will like me. I don’t have anything interesting to say. People will judge the way I look. People are untrustworthy,” we can replace them with kinder thinking:

“I like myself. I can learn new things that interest me. I love myself inside and out. There are many wonderful people in the world.”

The best way to feel love is to carry love with you. Others will automatically want to connect when they feel the love you bring. That can feel scary if you don’t feel comfortable saying, “no,” or asking for what you’re needing, but those things can be learned and practiced.

It can be fun to see what friends are doing on social media, but for real connection try going to events in your community. See a musical event, volunteer, say hello to strangers in the store and offer a sincere, appreciative observation.

Expecting someone else to make you feel good about yourself is where true danger lies. Yes, we should choose the company of those who give the respect we deserve as human beings, but it is more likely that we will do that when we respect ourselves from the inside.

Try this: List all the best moments you’ve had with a loved one this week and share them.

Find an event or group in your community that interests you. Commit to attending and talk to other participants. If you didn’t enjoy yourself, don’t feel guilty about not going again. Try another group!

Practice Loving Kindness Meditation to develop your compassion and love for others.

In case you missed it last week, you can try the Loving Kindness meditation I posted on YouTube.

Please note: The True Freedom series that I’ve written about is getting postponed until next year. Approval to sit for the Board Certified Coach exam and the scholarship I received for the Neuroscience of Change course through Coaches Rising will be taking quite a lot of my time. I appreciate your patience, and look forward to offering a more in depth look at the 6 Human Needs with meditations and exercises in 2020!