“Synergy is to value differences – to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.”
Stephen Covey

It’s been fun to spend a lot of time with my adult son recently. And sometimes it hasn’t. We enjoy many of the same things, but we also see lots of stuff differently. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on things that bother us. Negativity bias evolved to keep people safe. We look for things that can possibly harm us so we can avoid them. That’s fine, but if we let it take over we may miss out on feelings of joy and love.

Gratitude is often about focusing on the positives of a relationship or circumstance. That doesn’t mean we have to, or should, ignore challenges. Steven Covey wrote, “Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.”

We can get to this third alternative when we look at others’ differences with respect and curiosity instead of judgment, criticism or condemnation. This can be a great time to work on increasing understanding, patience and humility.

Try this: Take a situation (or person) that has been bothering you lately. See if you can name five things that you really appreciate about it/them. This week, whenever you feel triggered by it/them, list the five things you identified. Use STOP (Stop, Take a deep breath, Observe thoughts, feelings, body reactions, Proceed with awareness). See if a new understanding arises. I’d love to hear about it!