As a single woman new to my town (and with introvert tendencies), I sometimes feel lonely. I also lean toward broad-minded thinking, which allows me to enjoy myriad groups and activities, but rarely brings a feeling of inclusion.

My mom suggested an excellent article last week with the words, “…longing to belong,” in the subtitle. With much pondering about what that meant, I recommitted to connecting with people in my community — and connecting in a positive way with myself.

Last year in Missouri, over time, I was regularly running more than three miles. That may not sound like much, but it was a real accomplishment for me. My three siblings were much more athletic and competitive than me, plus I was subject to intense teasing (having developed breasts early and with gusto) whenever I ran in gym class. The message I repeated to myself was, “I am not cut out for running.”

That was a contribution to my way of thinking, but it was limiting. It’s true that we can’t be good at everything, but I wanted to run! A few years back I got in pretty good shape with an exercise DVD I was using. My walks began to feel unsatisfying and I started to add short runs. I bought myself a good support bra and decided to overcome my self-conscious thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, during a trail run, I fell and badly sprained my left ankle. It was easy to go back to the message, “I guess I’m just not meant to run.”

But I wanted to run! In Missouri, I said to myself, “Athletes get hurt all the time. They don’t say, ‘I guess I wasn’t meant to play sports.’ They take time to heal and start training again as soon as they can! Little by little, my running increased. At first it was only for a minute or two. Eventually, I could run for an hour.

When I moved to Southern Utah I was struggling with a cervical hernia. As that began to improve, the weather started getting hot. My goal of running a 5k got put on hold. When I tried to start again, it was difficult with the higher elevation and more intense UV rays from the sun in this area. Old messages began to surface in my head. I Stopped, Took a deep breath, Observed my limiting beliefs and Proceeded with awareness. No negative messages this time!

As we feel deeply inspired to change, we alter beliefs about ourselves. We contribute new thoughts and accumulate new evidence. I can run! I did it in Oregon and I did it in Missouri. Now I can do it in Utah! Last night I used tapping to bring out fears and negative feelings about my ability to run. Before going to sleep I visualized running the trail at the top of my street. First thing in the morning I put on running shoes and started with a slow jog. As it got harder to breathe and my legs began to burn, I reminded myself that we can usually go farther than we think. Checking in with my body, I knew I could press on and reached my goal of running to the halfway point (1.7 miles) and ran at intervals on the way back. Perhaps the most important contribution we can make is compassion and encouragement to ourselves!

With self-confidence and compassion, we have more to offer others. Yesterday, I joined in worship with my church community. Later, I reconnected with a local meditation group. Recently I had begun to wonder if I had anything to contribute here. Old messages of not fitting in began to surface, but with practice in replacing limiting thoughts and actions, there was plenty of evidence to the contrary that I could draw upon. Most likely I was only judging myself, but even if others were judging me, I could still contribute love and acceptance to THEM. Love belongs everywhere.

One of the fun things about contribution is that when you meet it well, it can contribute to all of the other needs (variety, certainty, love/connection, significance and growth)!

Try this: See if you can identify the way these activities from last week could meet a need for contribution, then come up with some of your own! I’d love to hear about them in the comments or an email.

• My big brother drove over three hours to take me to lunch for my birthday. I received many kind wishes.
• Volunteering at the local women’s shelter.
• A long hike at a high country lake so I could see the fall leaves.
• Attendance at the opening night of our local symphony orchestra.
• Drumming with Kupumua Drum Circle.
• Attended a movie with an older singles group.
• Worship in church community.
• Meditation group.
• Coaching some awesome clients.
• On Sunday I signed up to be in a talent show this Wednesday. (Ahhh! It can be a fine line between good stress and bad stress :D).