Civility seems almost to be out of fashion, as if by being courteous and polite, we are ignoring our “authentic” self. Or perhaps we believe it our duty to call others to task when we see them screw up.

A couple of weeks ago in Portland, my daughter and I got lost looking for a restaurant we wanted to try. We were in an affluent area I was not familiar with, driving a rental car. We were having difficulty getting GPS to work, and I thought it best to pull over before we went too far in a wrong direction. It was near the end of a couple of weeks of travels, concerts, reunions and classes. We were both exhausted after the three hour drive. We just wanted a nice lunch before getting on another plane.

I pulled to the shoulder and we were studying a map on the phone when a loud BANG shook the window. We both jumped in surprise when a woman punched the window and yelled over her shoulder, “DON’T PARK IN THE WALKING LANE!” as she power walked down the road in her spandex leggings and tank top.

We were shocked…then mad. It seemed like such an aggressive thing to do! My instinctual desire was to follow her and honk at her. Or yell back at her pointing out how rude she was. Even as I calmed my body through deep breathing, I still made it about her. “She could have given us the benefit of the doubt, she could have asked if we needed help, she could have…”.

Eventually, after Charlotte and I empathized with each other for a few minutes, we connected with our own values. We both value civility and generosity. Tapping into our practice of “kindly curiosity,” we realized that perhaps the woman was having a bad day, maybe a lot of people knowingly violated the walking lane. We have no idea what her story is, but we can be the author’s of our own. We can choose to be generous in our assessment of others. We can choose to be kind. We can choose to be civil.

Our true freedom lies in the ability to make choices that reflect our deepest values. The True Freedom series includes meditations to help manage our emotions and exercises to identify what drives us. I’m excited to launch this series near the end of 2019!

Just for the fun of it :D.